


The Grey Between Light and Dark

by Ejkhud47



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Action, Action & Romance, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Jedi Rey, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Slow Burn, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-13 20:02:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13577958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ejkhud47/pseuds/Ejkhud47
Summary: It had been 6 standard months since Crait, 6 months since the remnants of the resistance had boarded the Millennium Falcon and ran away from the First Order. They were hiding in the outer rim on the other side of the galaxy, on Yavin IV, where Poe was born. Their numbers had increased since the battle but not by enough and many of the members were often away on reconnaissance missions to recruit new members, leaving Rey behind to train. However since closing herself off from the bond and with it the force 3 months earlier, this was impossible and she was making little to no progress with fixing her broken lightsaber.





	1. I

At first she had been angry.   
He had appeared around 3 months later, after Crait, she had thought the force bond had closed after the death of Snoke, that him looking up at her at the bottom of the ramp of the Millennium Falcon was just a remnant of the bond, aftershocks. Like the first time he appeared to her she reacted with shock and anger, throwing a book at him as there wasn’t a blaster next to her to shoot him this time. He disappeared straight away and she had sat panting, fearful, guilty. The anger and hate had continued the next few times he had appeared. It scared her, this anger. The Jedi weren’t meant to feel this fear, this anger. She had read some of the Jedi texts she had taken from Ahch-To, she knew this could lead to the dark side. But she had already touched the dark side, on Ahch-To she had seen it, knew she could hold back from it. Nonetheless she wanted to keep it away, keep him away.   
Next she tried to close him off, use the force to close to create a barrier between them, to break the bond between them. She had managed for a while, but in doing so she found herself having to close herself off to the force. She thought she could accept that, but she hadn’t realised how used she had become to the force. It had always really been a part of her, just now it was awake, and closing such an intrinsic part of her off was painful.  
There had to be another way. How could she access the force when there was so much dark in her, so much of him in her. She felt so scared that she would endanger her new friends, but how could she help her friends if she couldn’t use the force?

—

It had been 6 standard months since Crait, 6 months since the remnants of the resistance had boarded the Millennium Falcon and ran away from the First Order. They were hiding in the outer rim on the other side of the galaxy, on Yavin IV, where Poe was born. Their numbers had increased since the battle but not by enough and many of the members were often away on reconnaissance missions to recruit new members, leaving Rey behind to train. However since closing herself off from the bond and with it the force 3 months earlier, this was impossible and she was making little to no progress with fixing her broken lightsaber.   
She was sat in her quarters flicking through one of the older Jedi texts. She preferred this book, she didn’t feel guilty when she was reading it as there was no mention of the dark and light sides of the force. Looking for something to help her with the lightsaber, she came across page with a drawing of a figure she remembered well from Ahch-To. The Prime Jedi. Looking at it she suddenly felt a jolt in the force as a feeling of peace came over her. The Prime Jedi had not been purely on the light side of the force. This picture showed half light, half dark, a balance. Was this what Luke had meant when he said it was time to the Jedi to end? Could she really allow some of the dark to reside in her without feeling so guilty? If she could find this balance then maybe she wouldn’t have to be so afraid of Kylo Ren, she could let her dark side in knowing she could control it and feel the balance.  
Excited she grabbed the book and left her quarters, she needed to meditate and she knew the best place to do this would be the force tree nearby that Luke had gifted to Poe’s family after the battle of Endor.


	2. II

Walking to the tree she felt the energy from it permeating the edge of her senses, penetrating the barrier she had put up. As she got closer she felt the stress of the last few months washing away, leaving her with a sense of peace and tranquility. Arriving at the tree she sat cross legged next to it and allowed her mind to quiet, reaching out to let the force become one with her senses. Like she had on Ahch-To she let in everything, the light and the dark, no longer afraid. Without the fear, the path to the dark side had been erased and she could feel comfortable knowing she was strong enough to resist it.  
Moments after she had let it all in he was there. This time though she didn’t get angry, she allowed everything to wash over her and let the force guide her, she felt his shock at seeing her, then his surprise at her reacting calmly.

“What are you doing?” he demanded.

“Meditating”

“I can see that, where have you been all this time? I thought you had died, I couldn’t feel your presence in the force”

“I cut myself off to avoid you”

“What changed?”

“Me”

He paused and sat next to her, she still had her eyes closed enjoying the feeling of the force flowing through her after so long. “You, you’re… calm, at peace… balanced”

“I’ve stopped trying to fight the dark inside me”

He leapt up, shocked and knelt in front of her grabbing her shoulders. “ You’re going to join me?!”

“No I didn’t say that” she replied opening her eyes slowly to look at him. Looking into his eyes she saw his hope fading into anger again, he turned and rose to his feet walking a few paces away.

“I’ve realised that I can be balanced, like the Prime Jedi, instead of being fearful of the dark side and being tempted by it, I can see it and chose to accept that part of me without allowing it to consume me. The Jedi Order had it wrong, they tried to shut it all out, its not natural, you can’t just decide to only see half of the force, it will lead to conflict…make you feel like you’re torn apart.”

He span around to face her, shock outlining his expression. “What do you know about feeling torn apart?”

“I’ve felt it for months, feeling a darkness, an anger inside me, I tried to shut it out but ended up shutting myself off to all of the force. I thought the dark would consume me, but then I realised I touched the dark on Ahch-To and it didn’t consume me then, I’m stronger than that”

“Lucky you” he replied, “I wish I was that strong”

“Maybe you would be if you stopped resisting it”

“STOP TRYING TO SAVE ME” he shouted, and with that the connection abruptly ended.

Rey sat for a moment, feeling a sense of loss without him there. She closed her eyes allowing the force to guide her to balance again before rising to her feet the book still in her hands.   
She whispered to herself “but I’m not trying to save you, I’m trying to help you feel the balance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time I've ever written anything, sorry if it's a bit concise. Couldn't help myself, I really loved the last Jedi!


	3. III

Now she was open to all of the force she felt her training progressing much quicker. She trained using meditation, testing her abilities learning to feel all of the force and suspend objects in the air. She trained using her staff as a substitute for a lightsaber but it didn’t feel the same. Her lightsaber had felt like an extension of herself, whereas the staff was just a tool.   
She had been on her own on Yavin IV for a few weeks now and when she saw a transport coming in to land she was excited to see her friends again. The ramp lowered and at the top stood Poe, Rose and Finn, the latter two holding hands.

She ran up the ramp and was hugged tightly by all three. “Rey you look great” Rose said.

“Yeah” said Finn, “what’s happened? You look… strong.”

“My training has been going really well” replied Rey, “I’m learning to control the force in entirely new ways, I’ve had a breakthrough”

“Have you had any luck with your lightsaber?” Poe chimed in to the conversation.

“No” Rey’s smile dropped, with her resurgence in the force she had hoped she would figure out how to fix the lightsaber, she had managed to mend the outer casing and internal fixations but the kyber crystal was completely split in two. She could not feel the force radiating from the crystal like she should, its power had gone and she needed a new one.

“I need a new crystal, but I’m not sure where I can find one”

Poe started “You don’t know where Kyber crystals are from?!”

“No I hardly knew the Jedi even existed until this year!”

“They used to be found on Ilum, my mother used to tell me stories about Ilum, the gathering they called it. Padawans would go there to find their crystals for their lightsabers. My mother told me a story of a young padawan who couldn’t gather a crystal, she went back to Ilum several times to find one, but each time she would get lost inside the maze of caves and her master would have to save her. One day she was with her master on a ambassadorial protection mission when a sith lord attacked them, without a lightsaber she thought she would be defenceless but then she used the force to knock the sith back, allowing her master to strike him down. Then she realised that being a Jedi wasn’t all about having a lightsaber, it was about being one with the force. When she next went back to Ilum, she let the force guide her through the maze and allowed her Kyber crystal to find her.”

“That’s a wonderful story” Rey looked down saddened, she could never reclaim her lost childhood. She could listen to Poe tell stories all night and she may never know all the stories he knew. She looked to Finn and saw the same feelings she bore mirrored in his expression. Sadness and regret at years they could never reclaim. It comforted her to know that someone else could feel empathy for her, Finn moved towards her and held her in his arms as a stray tear glistened across her cheek. 

“So I can go to Ilum to get a crystal then?” Rey moved from Finn’s embrace questioning Poe.

“Sadly not, the empire mined Ilum to the ground when they were stealing Kyber for the death star. Once they finished there, they moved to Jedha, the holy city there had a temple where there was some Kyber but they decided to test the death star on the holy city and destroyed that too. I’m not sure where else you could find Kyber now.” Poe looked to his feet awkwardly, feeling bad he had got Rey’s hopes up for nothing.

“Do you know if they finished mining Jedha before they destroyed it?” Rey couldn’t give up hope, she had to find a crystal or indeed a lightsaber from somewhere, like in the story she had learned to allow the force to guide her before having a lightsaber but she could not deny the fact that she needed one to be able to defend the resistance most effectively.

“I have no idea sorry, I’m pretty sure that there are none left on Ilum though, or at least that is what is always said.”

“I will go to Jedha then.” Rey saw the disappointment on their faces, “don’t worry, not straight away, you’ve got to catch me up with everything that’s happened whilst you’ve been away. When is Leia coming back?”

“She is on Naboo at the moment, trying to persuade the Queen to lend support to the resistance, from what I hear she is succeeding as well, her word has always carried such weight there, her mother Padme Amidala was from Naboo, she believed in democracy above everything and so the Naboo can’t really argue with any of Leia’s logic.” Poe motioned to return to Rey’s lodgings which had been Poe’s home as a child. “I’m famished, let’s make some food and we’ll tell you about all our adventures.”

After dinner they moved to the house’s snug, Rose settled into Finn’s arms. They had grown so close over the months following Crait, their love gave the resistance hope amongst all of the sadness. Poe sat down next and motioned for Rey to join him. Ever since they had first met, she could tell he liked her, but she just couldn’t bring herself to relax around him. She just couldn’t completely be herself around him, around anyone in fact. No one else understood, no one except perhaps Leia…. or her son Ben.

She felt that shift in the air which signalled his arrival.

He was sat on the only spare space, where she wouldn’t be sat next to either Poe or Finn and Rose. She had no choice, either sit next to Ben or give Poe the wrong impression by sitting next to him. Smiling apologetically to Poe for refusing his invitation, she sat next to Ben.   
He turned to her, surprised. “Miss me?” 

Ignoring him, Rey turned to the trio “so, tell me about all the places you’ve been.”

“There are other people here?”

“Well we started in the outer rim, near here gaining support from the local systems, before moving close to the core. We had to be more careful there, the first order were everywhere, we took spices with us to disguise as traders, but there were several close calls where we were boarded for inspections. Luckily they had no idea who we were, luckily the stormtroopers weren’t ones I had grown up with…” Finn’s voice trailed off sounding scared.

Rey couldn’t imagine how he was feeling, it was incredibly brave what he had done, to leave the first order behind. To be able to refuse and turn away from all those years of indoctrination. “You’re so brave Finn.”

“I didn’t feel brave at the time, just scared”

“You’re with FN-2187, that traitor”

It took all of Rey’s self control not to respond to him, she wanted to shout and tell him he was the traitor for betraying his family, for killing his father. But instead she reigned in the anger, finding her balance once again. Outwardly all she showed was a slight tightening of her brow.

Rose shifted, obviously saddened by Finn’s memories she changed the subject, “tell us about your training Rey.”

This was Rey’s opportunity to force Ben to listen to her without getting dragged into a shouting match. “I’ve made a breakthrough, I thought that the only way was the the Jedi way, but I can see that so many of their mistakes have come from their fear. Even the Jedi Code only tries to block out half of the force it says ‘there is no chaos, only harmony’ I’ve not seen any harmony all my life, I couldn’t understand. But then I realised I could feel a balance between both sides, let all of the force in the way it should be rather than artificially trying to divide it in two the way the Jedi and the Sith have always tried to.”

Ben was staring at her, brow furrowed.

Poe looked uneasy “does that mean you’ve let the dark side in? You know you can’t control it!”

“No I haven’t let it in, this is different, I’m just not afraid of it, I’m not letting fear of the dark side control me, I’m letting the force guide me.”

Poe relaxed “OK for a minute there I was worried, sorry, it must be so difficult to learn everything without a teacher”

“I do need a teacher, but now that Luke is gone I have no choice but to find my own way”

Ben turned “let me show you the ways of the force”

Rey looked down, not wanting to show her friends that there was someone else within her consciousness, she knew he could only hear herself but she had to be so measured with everything she said, so that she didn’t give away any information vital to their mission, their location. She stood up “I’m going to retire for the evening now, I’ve had a long day of training, we’ll talk more tomorrow”

She moved to her quarters, Ben following close behind. Silent… for now.

She arrived and sat down turning to look at him for the first time. “Ben” she whispered, again like in the elevator on the way to the throne room he stiffened, looking shocked at hearing his birth name, hearing it only a handful of times since burning down Luke’s temple. “I meant everything I said, I’m not trying to save you, I feel your conflict, I want you to be free of this pain.”

He sat beside her again, she thought she was getting through to him but then “it’s too late for me, you’re wasting your time” and with that he faded away leaving Rey alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a longer chapter this time :)


	4. IV

A few days passed as Rey prepared to leave for Jedha, catching up with her friends in the meantime and showing them how her powers had progressed. Unsurprisingly they were most impressed with her ability to float rocks, like she had originally thought was the force was for.

He appeared to her again, while she was packing. 

“You’re going somewhere”

“Yes”

“Why?”

“I need… something, that I can’t find here.”

“A Kyber crystal”

She turned, annoyed at herself for being so transparent, was she really that easy to read?

“The lightsaber, I can see you holding it, it’s broken isn’t it? What happened?”

“It split in two when we both tried to reach for it in the throne room, I came to before you and recovered it, it’s damaged beyond repair though, the crystal holds no power now.”

Ben thought for a moment “in the forest it called to you, but this time it was completely divided, what changed?”

“I don’t know, I think it didn’t like us divided, it wanted the balance too”

“Where will you go to find one? There are none left on Ilum now.”

“You know I can’t tell you that.”

“Why not?” Walking away from her anger in his voice “you tell me you want to show me the balance, that you want to help me but it goes both way if you want me to trust you, you’re going to have to start to trust me too!”

She looked down, thoughtfully, he was right, but how could she suddenly start to trust him after everything he had done? “I’m sorry, I’m not ready yet.”

With that he faded away again, it was like every time they reached an impasse the force broke the connection between them, frustrated they couldn’t understand one another. She was convinced the force was connecting them to help bring balance to the force. He the dark, but with light in him and she the light but with dark in her. Together they could bring balance to the force. Together.. what was together she wondered, in the throne room he had asked.. begged her to join him, what did that mean? Did he have feelings for her… what did she feel for him…? Uncertain and slightly fearful of the direction her thoughts were heading she shifted her attention back to packing, she didn’t have much, just 3 outfits, her staff, the Jedi texts and a broken lightsaber. All else she needed would be enough rations to last her a few weeks. Jedha was in an area of the galaxy not far (in relative terms) from Jakku, an area difficult to get to, not populated by trade routes. It would take her weeks to plot a course there and she would need a lot of supplies for the journey. She thought of Luke’s words “alright that is pretty much nowhere.” 

Taking her supplies to the falcon, she found Chewie sat in the pilot’s seat, she had contacted him a few days earlier and he had flown the Falcon from the main base on the other side of Yavin IV to join her, excited for a new journey to a planet he hadn’t been to before, he hadn’t hesitated in offering to join Rey.

“How are you Chewie? Has Yavin been treating you well?” 

He growled that he was pretty bored and looking forward to being in space again.

“What’s the longest you’ve spent on a planet?” 

“Chandrila when.. Ben was born, Han and I were there for a few years before Han got restless and we started smuggling again”

“How old was he when you left?”

“Probably about 5 or 6”

That was around the same age she had been when her family had left her, but that was different, Han came back, her family didn’t. Ben was so angry at his parents and she couldn’t understand why. If she ever saw her father again she would hug him, not murder him, she couldn’t find any logic behind his actions. Even if Han had hurt him, he still loved him, that was more than her parents ever did…

She had already bid farewell to Rose, Finn and Poe, they were ready to set off, sitting next to Chewie they activated the departure sequence not having to prime the compressor this time since Rey had bypassed it, once they were into space Rey did the calculations for the first of several hyperspace jumps that they would be making to arrive at Jedha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH poor Rey!


	5. V

It had been a week since the force had connected them, the longest since Rey had distanced herself from the force and Kylo was beginning to worry that she had done the same again. ‘Why should I care?” he thought to himself, “she’s nothing to me.” But he knew in his heart that wasn’t true as much as he tried to deny it to himself he was so relieved when he saw her again. He had wondered if she had died but couldn’t bring himself to believe it as he knew he would have felt a tremor in the force if that had happened. When she had appeared in front of him, meditating after so many months he had to hold back the outpouring of emotions, gratitude, happiness, relief…love. So many light sided emotions he couldn’t bear for her to know about, to realise how weak he was when it came to her. But that wasn’t really true was it? He thoughts wondered to the throne room, him having the power to deceive and defeat Snoke, that was all because of Rey. In that moment for the first time in years, perhaps his whole life he had felt no conflict, no uncertainty, only resolve, only the strength to kill his master for daring to threaten Rey.  
But he hardly knew her, when Snoke had told him to murder his own father he had obeyed, but with Rey… it felt like he would have been cutting off half of himself. He had been so certain she would join him, so certain that she felt the same way, that they were two halves of the same coin. When she had refused him, that usual feeling of begin torn apart had come back instantaneously, his previous strength and resolve shattering apart and that usual loneliness and betrayal he had felt since his parents had abandoned him and sent him away to train with Luke had flooded back.  
He could feel the anger rising up in him again just thinking about it. Activating his lightsaber he smashed apart the droid in front of him which had been updating him on the first order’s progress in the Mid Rim. Screaming he continued to slash the consoles around him until he was breathing hard. Deactivating the lightsaber he sat down head in his hands, when he heard a slight shuffle behind him, swinging his lightsaber around to whoever dared to interrupt him he stopped short of Rey, halting the lightsaber inches from her face. Guilt-ridden he stepped back, shock marring his features, there was no fear in her face though as one might expect, just disappointment. Eyes locked, her image faded away leaving Kylo once again alone, alone to reflect on a wasted opportunity to see her again after a week apart. Alone in this room on the finaliser still glowing with lightsaber damage from his anger, the evidence of what had pushed her away from him.   
How could he ever live up to her expectations? How could he ever deserve her when just a stray thought about his parents caused him to lash out like this? He thought when he became supreme leader, when he had all the power he had always craved, that he would feel fulfilled, but instead he felt the opposite. When Rey was by his side fighting the Praetorian guard, then he had felt powerful, complete. But now he just felt like a shadow of himself, weak and alone…. like he had as the disciple of Snoke.

——

Rey and Chewie were beginning to get close to Jedha. Ten hyperspace jumps with navigating between them had taken them three weeks but finally they were on their last jump at the end of which they would be at Jedha. She had a few more hours to get some rest, leaving the Falcon on autopilot she made her way to the bunks and lay down. The last time she had seen Ben… no Kylo, that had been Kylo was two weeks ago. She thought she might have been getting through to him on Yavin, but now she saw he was just as conflicted as ever, how could she possibly trust him? The volatility of his mood meant he could turn on her and her friends at any point, no, she couldn’t risk it, she couldn’t put her friends in danger. Closing her eyes she drifted off to sleep, her thoughts on him and what she wished could be.

He was sat in his quarters when he felt her arrive, turning around he couldn’t see her in the sitting area, where could she be? Walking through the rest of his chambers, he found her curled up in his bed sleeping. She looked so peaceful. He sat next to the bed her face so close to the edge and took the opportunity to study her without all the heavy conversation which usually came with her presence. Although she looked tiny, he could see how strong her arms were, muscled from climbing when she was a scavenger, she had obviously kept her fitness levels up. Now however, she looked healthier, a better diet allowing her to flourish in a way she was unable to before. He had been staring at her for a few minutes now when he began to feel self conscious and guilty, moving away back into the room next door he sat down, moments later he felt alone again.

Rey woke up suddenly with a gasp and looked around her, a strange sense that she wasn’t alone, he was nowhere to be found though and that strange tension in the force which usually accompanied his presence was absent. It must have been part of her dream, she had been dreaming of her vision that she had seen when they touched hands in the hut on Ahch-To. The solid vision of him turning form the dark side. Now she realised that vision, of him fighting with her, of him killing Snoke, wasn’t him turning. That vision had already come true and yet he had failed to turn at all.

Getting up, she looked at the time, less than an hour to Jedha, making her way through to the cockpit she found Chewbacca again sat in his now usual space in the pilot’s seat, sitting next to him he growled that they were nearly there.

“Finally, after all of this space travel I can’t wait to be back on solid ground, it’s so cold in space.”

“Not for me, my carpet keeps me warm, I love the feeling of freedom you get when you’re in space”

“Carpet?” Rey was confused, wasn’t it normally called fur?

“Yeah, Leia called me a big walking carpet when we first met, I’ve never let her live it down!”

Rey giggled, she had laughed more in the last 6 months than she had her entire life, it was a wonderful feeling having friends, people you could rely on, she just hoped she could live up to their expectations of her, being called the last Jedi put so much pressure on her shoulders.

The Falcon jolted as it lurched out of hyperspace, before them lay two planetary objects, the planet with its pinkish hue was NaJedha, then the smaller desert moon of Jedha next to it. It was not unlike Jakku, covered in sand but this moon instead was littered in rocks and cities, much different from Jakku which only had a graveyard of giants, ships from a battle before she was born, a battle one year after the battle of Endor, the last great battle between the empire and the alliance. Its similarities to Jakku upset her, reminding her of a sadder time, basically all of her life...

Now however was a hopeful time, her time on Jakku had thankfully ended and she hoped to never return there again. Jedha was different, it had culture, there were pilgrims to the Jedi religion there. All there was on Jakku were desperate people, no one was there out of choice. The only culture there was the church of the force at Tuanul village, but Kylo Ren and the First Order had destroyed that along with Lor San Tekka.   
Her thoughts kept on drifting to sadness and despair, she had to hold onto the hope, she remembered Finn’s realisation that he could not serve the First Order was at Tuanul, it was there that he had started his journey towards the resistance and now he was recruiting people towards their cause, showing them the hope that even a stormtrooper could fight the evil that lay within them.

As they circled the gravitational pull of the moon, rotating like a satellite, what used to be the old holy city of Jedha rotated into view. It was a crater. 

Rey gasped, horrified at the utter destruction which had taken place. The loss of life was terrifying, but nothing in comparison to what had come after. Alderaan…and more recently Hosnian Prime. This place however was were objective, the original site of the temple of Kyber, she hoped she would find some here.

“Chewie, can you set us down right in the centre of the crater?”

Chewbacca growled his approval and they descended, reaching the end of their journey.


	6. VI

Descending the ramp of the Millennium Falcon, Rey could feel a disturbance in the force surrounding her. She could feel the death and destruction that had happened here, 35 standard years ago. Stilling herself, she remembered her objective, to find what she was looking for, she would have to allow the force to flow through her and if she allowed the sadness to overwhelm her, she wouldn’t be able to find the balance and gather the strength she needed to find what she was seeking. 

She walked till she was in the centre of the crater and sat down. Crossing her legs, she closed her eyes and reached out, allowing the force to pervade her senses, feeling everything around her. She felt the ground beneath her, she felt the death, she felt the remnants of ships, of droids which had been built to serve, the lives of the pilgrims that had lived here began to permeate her senses and a vision overtook her. A blind man talking to a girl.. asking her about her Kyber crystal, then “I am one with the force, and the force is with me.” The mantra continued to flow through her mind, she felt her strength growing, digging deeper beneath the ground till she felt it, the temple of the Kyber. She could feel there was still Kyber there, crystals the empire had left behind, but it was so deep beneath her, she felt powerless to draw it towards herself.

Then...”where are you?”

Keeping her eyes closed , keeping her focus on the Kyber, she spoke “I’m gathering.”

Ben looked down at her, cross legged, brow slightly furrowed, he could feel the effort she was exuding, feel her frustration at being so close yet so far from what she was seeking. He sat down, facing her and closed his eyes “let me help you.”

Although she was surprised, she never even considered refusing him, letting his mind meld with hers in this meditative state was easy and she felt their consciousness fuse together. Together, they delved down to the temple, felt the Kyber and Rey summoned it towards herself using both of their powers, perfectly in balance like it had been in the throne room.   
She held her hand up in the air as she felt it flying towards her, shooting out of the ground. Into her fist flew not one but two crystals, perfectly formed, not one crack.  
Opening her eyes she looked to her prize, for months she had dreamed of this moment and now it was finally here and he had helped her achieve it.  
He sat in front of her, also looking at her prize with pride... and was that a smile that lined his features? They locked eyes, and his expression suddenly became unreadable. 

“Our minds... they were completely fused, the power that we had, it was incredible. I could feel everything, it felt like I was really here... here... on Jedha.”

She rose immediately fearful, breaking the link between their minds she ran towards the Falcon.  
She was terrified, she had put themselves at risk, perhaps the entire resistance if they caught them, all for her own personal gain, all because she had believed she needed a lightsaber. 

He watched her run away, although she had severed the link between their minds allowing him to feel everything around her, the force bond had remained intact, allowing him to see her reaction towards him. He thought about ordering the finaliser to Jedha, but they were near Kashyyk, the opposite side of the core, it would take them days at least to navigate there. Of course she hadn’t considered that, she was so intent on putting distance between them she probably hadn’t even considered the length of time she had even taken to get there..

“Chewie we’ve got to go, the First Order know we’re here” Rey panted out the instructions as quickly as she could.

“Where to? We’re in the middle of nowhere?”

“Jakku” she breathed “Jakku is nowhere” 

Inputting the coordinates there was a straight hyperspace jump to Jakku and they just about had enough fuel left to make it. “You really want to go back to Jakku,” Chewie growled.

Rey paused, anything but certain and dreading her return to a place she would do anything to forget. It was the last place she wanted to go, the last place she ever wanted to be reminded of again. After Ben had reminded her of her parents abandoning her, she had done everything to try and forget all of her years there. All of her years waiting for a family who would never return, a family who cared so little for her that they would sell her. But now she had a new family, a new cause to fight for, she needed to get back to the resistance and the only way she could ensure that was by making sure she wasn’t captured by the First Order.

“Punch it” Rey replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I think I'm being a bit succinct with my writing, any feedback would be appreciated! :)


	7. VII

After they had made the jump, Rey felt safer. In the comfort of hyperspace, without a ship nearby at their outset, they couldn’t be tracked. The supremacy had only been able to track them because it was close to the Raddis at the start of the jump. Of course once they arrived at Jakku they would have to plan their long journey back to the other side of the galaxy now. After refuelling of course, which meant they would have to land on the planet she had hoped never to set foot on again.  
There were plenty of places to refuel far away from Niima outpost, it would of course be sensible to keep the ship she had stolen away from its previous owner Unkar Plutt. She had no intention of going anywhere near him herself either, if anything could awaken the dark side of herself it was him.

Finally able to calm down, her thoughts could be distanced from something other than escaping. The tingling of power in her hand summoned her attention. Looking down, those perfect crystals lay in her hand, beating with the power of the force, everything she had been hoping for for months. Two. Not one but two crystals had called to her and now lay in her palm waiting to be used.   
She walked out from the cockpit almost in a trance, contemplating what to do next and went to sit in the main hold. Across from her lay her bag, her staff knelt next to it. Moving her staff out of the way, she placed it where she had been sitting and rummaged through her bag to find the broken lightsaber. She held it in her left hand, crystals still in her right.  
Surely the force had given her two for a reason? Why give her two to simply replace the broken one? She didn’t need a spare... no she did need two and eyes drifted towards her staff in realisation. For the last 6 months she had practised with nothing but her staff, using both edges, as she tackled imaginary opponents. With two crystals she could... no could it be possible? Could she make a double bladed lightsaber?

It didn’t take her long to get to work, pulling her staff apart, she tore it open to reveal a gap inside, capable of housing the crystal mounts and power cells needed to create her own lightsaber

Then again for the second time that day, he appeared to her. “Well done you’ve managed it, you’ve completed the gathering. That’s more than I ever did, all I managed to salvage was a cracked crystal which I needed to create vents for to even allow it to function. You, you’ve got not one, but two pure crystals of Kyber. It never even occurred to me to go to Jedha of all places.”

She looked to him “but I couldn’t have done it on my own, I was struggling before you arrived, I had felt the temple but couldn’t summon the Kyber to me, as soon as you arrived and our minds fused, our combined power was so incredible, I felt we could do anything in that moment.”

“I felt it too, I felt that power, but I also felt what you’ve been speaking of, that balance between us, I could feel the entire power of the force flowing through us, not just part of it.”

She jumped up excited, she was finally getting through to him, kneeling in front of him she clasped his gloved hands, “it’s not too late for you, I know you have all this anger in you, towards your parents, for abandoning you, but that doesn’t mean you have to succumb to it. Now Snoke is gone you can be whoever you want to be.”

He was shocked to have her so close to him, shocked that she would give him a chance again after everything she had seen him do, but also angry at her for mentioning his parents. “What do you know about how I feel?” He pulled his hands away. 

“Chewie told me about how often Han went away smuggling with him, but at least you still had your mother around, I had nobody.”

“She was barely around, founding the new republic took up all of her precious time, leaving none for me. She could feel the darkness rising in me but instead of trying to help me she just sent me away to train with Luke, neither of them ever wanted me. And then I found out along with the entire galaxy that my grandfather was Darth Vader, that she had been lying to me, keeping this secret from me all my life, that was when the darkness really began to rise in me. And then..well you know what happened next..”

Yes she did know, Luke had failed him, Luke had believed he had already succumbed to the dark side. Everyone in Ben’s life had pushed him away. “I’m so sorry.”

He looked to her stilled and chastised by her apology, by her ability to believe in him in a way that none of his family ever could. But what next? Yes perhaps he could find the balance, but he was Supreme Leader of the First Order now, each day another planet fell under their control. Aboard the Finalizer he commanded the fleet of ships to wipe out any resistance to their regime, each day me met with Hux who briefed him on their progress and Kylo Ren ordered the destruction of another city, anything that got in their way. He couldn’t just abandon this, what would he do, where would he go? He looked down to her hand still close to him and thought perhaps they could have another vision, a vision of their futures like in the hut, something that could show them the way. He pulled off his glove and reached towards her, but she recoiled, leaning backwards. “I thought, another vision might guide us, show us our future.”

Rey leant back, looking down at his outstretched hand with fear, if they fused minds again he might be able to see where they were again, might put Chewie in danger again. “I…I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet.” 

Angered, he stood up, “I thought you believed in me, but no you’re just like them, all you see is the dark in me.”

Her cheeks reddened, upset she had hurt him “it’s not that, I’ve got to think of my friends as well. If it were just me, I would come to you all over again, but I can’t put my friends in danger, I can’t put Chewie through that again.”

“Well surely that means we’re at another impasse then.”

“I suppose you’re right.”


End file.
